sucky
24.11.09 @ 11:30 PM
Today ended horribly.
I wasn't directly involved but it was bad enough to look from the outside.
I don't know how to describe this but there is something inside that is driving me crazy.
Kinda want to scream it all out, but I am being way too chirpy recently.
The thing that I want to claw out, it is eating me alive and I have no friggin' idea what it is.
I hate how everything, every single thing is spiraling downhill and it seems to be a bottomless pit.
I want to be Superman and rescue my friend, but I don't know what to do and how to do it.
The only thing I can do is to be there and I don't know if just being there is enough. I don't know if I am doing enough and doing good just by being there and it is making me really mad.
Mad with myself.
Worthless little piece of junk.
Like how hard is it to comfort your friend, why can't you do it idiot?!
You have so much you want to tell all of them but why can't you stop thinking and actually say it.
I mean, you are already quite lousy in almost all aspects of life and you can't even do a simple thing for your friends, how much worse can you get.
I want a lobotomy.
Or a plane ticket to leave when everyone is asleep.
But it will eventually still kill me one day to know I chose to take the easy way out.
I am sorry for being such a lousy friend.
fish&COMPANY
23.11.09 @ 6:32 PM
The fish was ok, but the company was a blast.
:D
And the amazingly huge chocolate cake.
If we shared it, then we probably will be able to finish it.
Jas was a blast as usual.
Okok, Jas, don't get all happy and bubbly now.
It didn't really start out well.
In fact today was a massively irritable day.
But we made plans for Christmas.
Booze, good company and maybe a dose of Saw, what more can one I ask for in life?
Or on Christmas at least.
Anyway, I want to go to Kinokuniya on the 23rd.
One of my favourite places to be in.
Anyway, Ritz may be off.
I forgot to consider the fact that the others may find it too atas.
Sorry guys, we choose another place less atas but still nice ok.
I realise, it still hurts when I talk about it even though it has been quite awhile.
I find it very hard to talk about it in further details than necessary to explain the situation.
And, maybe I like him, maybe I don't.
But I won't do anything further than I just did, I just don't think it will work out.
I am getting so lazy it is disgusting.
So I shall be really good and do my essay today. :D
And school was reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally slack today.
Cam-whored so much.
But I think I will wince when I see the photos if Janel ever gets around to uploading them.
They are horribly ugly. D:
Ok la. Played enough Bejewelled.
Why is Ry not home yet...............
T.T
Saturday's event went ok. At least I thought so and I kinda hope I am not wrong.
^^v
I feel a little sad now, but it's ok.
movies galore
20.11.09 @ 12:26 AM
I want to watch:
1. An Education
2. Paintball
3. Beyond a Reasonable Doubt
4. Mulan (For very sentimental purposes, the first proper play I remember being in in Primary 1. :D)
5. Sherlock Holmes (Jude Law is Watson :D)
And I hate the fact that Saw6 is R21.
=.=
Urgh.
D:
Next few days will be damn damn damn tiring.
School only ended at 9 for the past 2 days, tomorrow working, Saturday waking up at 7 for event, then meeting Nacchan for movie, then working and Sunday is family day.
T.T
I haven't watched a single episode of any drama at all for the past week.
And this will probably be the case till holidays and even my first week of holidays is booked solid.
Gahh.
I finally understand it when Jas says she needs a life.
I need a life too.
And I really don't want my parents to get the cake from Glace because I know how friggin' expensive the cake is.
I don't even mind cake from the local cake shop.
So hungry now.
DDD:
So broke for the weekends.
:(
Ok, need to get down to work.
我要快乐 - 张惠妹
又被爱伤了一遍
无所谓当作成长
刚刚走开的人
烟还点着味道却淡了
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的
把从前想了一遍
谢谢了伤我的人
想做乐观的人
每种雨声听了都不冷
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的
我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨我早应该割舍
我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的全都是假的
我的决定是对的
I just really like the lyrics, suddenly.
:D
No reference to anything.
School
18.11.09 @ 6:27 PM
I am so so so super bored now.
It is no joke staying in schoolfor 4hours doing basically nth.
Studied and edited script.
Hopefully i can interview ms chang today so i wont need to wake up half an hour earlier tmr since i still need to stay till 6 tmr. T.T
First time, but i already am hating to stay back for rehearsal tt only begins at 6. D:
I think i can only go home at 9? :/
Tmr too. Argh.
Ok, stop whining.
Super sleepy, weather too good.
I need Get Real episode on teenage pregnancy. 12 more mins!!
Aerosmith
16.11.09 @ 7:20 PM
Have been playing their song on loop for quite sometime.
It is a really corny song, but really really sweet at the same time.
I know it is slow of me, but I kinda realised, it won't do for me to keep wishing I am this or I am that because I am me.
I am the girl who will still have her sweets and ice cream even when she just complained about her weight.
I am the girl who will worry about her results just 5 minutes before they will be released.
I am the girl who worries incessantly and obsessively.
I am the girl who never gets her work done on schedule.
I am the girl who screams for individuality but still very much a collectivist inside.
I am the girl who finds gore funny but is dead terrified of supernatural.
I am the girl who cannot find any love for romance novels but really likes reading real-life stories of people who write with their whole being immersed in sweet romance.
Even if some people think of me with distaste, this is me.
I am still trying to discover who I am and I don't think I want to ever stop.
I want to live in Switzerland when I have enough funds to support myself.
It is such an amazing place to be in and I have never ever been there in my entire life.
Reading about Europe, Switzerland holds such allure.
I can't explain, but I would want to live there.
Heidi did it in for me I guess.
Just kinda happy to tell myself, I am me, you can't be anyone else out there even if you try, but at the same time, no one else can be you too.
target
14.11.09 @ 12:52 PM
15hours in 3 days.
Target ok, target.
If I do that, I may actually be able to hit 62hours.
:D
Maximum number of hours without having to pay CPF.
^^v
Fever, fever go away.
D:
Ok, need to be productive today.
３７歳の誕生日おめでとう！！
13.11.09 @ 12:00 AM
Another year is over.
From 13/11/08 to 13/11/09, 365 days have passed.
Many things have changed, but birthday boy still remains on my wall.
Maybe the color of the poster has faded, maybe the edges of the poster are not as sharp, but Kimura Takuya is still Kimura Takuya.
Many come and go, でも一番大好きな人は木村拓哉です。
まだかわらない、多分一生もかわらない。
木村拓哉全部のことは大大大大大大大すきです！！！！
奥さん以外。
今年の誕生日はたのしい？
もすぐ四十歳のおじさんだね。
今年いろいろのことはありがとうございます！
ドラマやバラエティーばんぐみやえいがやお疲れさん！
三十六歳の木村拓哉も最高です。
木村拓哉は
ただのアイドルじゃない、すごいの人です。
性格はほんとにいいです。
私ときどきうらやましがある。
仕事を、ずっといっしょうけんめいにしているの態度はちょっとかっこいいね。
責任が強いの男子、
かっこいいの男子、
私、大好きの男子、
３７歳の誕生日おめでとう！！！！！！
来年もがんばってね！
P.S: ダメのにほんごすまないね！
ずっと応援のｆanより
