new shelves!
9.11.09 @ 1:04 AM
:D
Went IKEA Tampines today.
It is damn huge seriously and we bought 2 new bookshelves for me!
Kinda revamped my room a little and now I have so much more space for my books.
<3
And I have two unused shelves from before so if I really really lack space again, I can have two new shelves still.
:D
And I have a wall outside the living room that can prolly put about 5 more shelves?
An area of space beneath the ceiling for another shelf.
^^v
I feel so happy that I can buy books without the stress of thinking where to stuff them again!
And my room looks neater than usual.
Whoopeedoo!
So clean and pretty!
Anyway, I am ready to embark on my next project for my next target.
I think I will save up for the ipod first.
Or maybe the bag.
Hmm.
I can't decide now.
:(
Never mind. I will think about it slowly.
New bank account next month!!
:D
I so want that account because the VISA debit that comes with it is so so so pretty!
Contrast well with my wallet. XD
Should pester my dad more for the HSBC one.
Which looks so pretty as well!
Honestly, I won't care if I will use the card or not since the POSB is more than enough for me, but I like to open my wallet and look at the prettiness.
Hahaha.
Makes me feel happy!
Sorry, I am just that materialistic. ^^v
Just like the new MSN and firefox.
All so pretty, making me feel like changing my laptop.
D:
Ok, sorry. I am just being really bratty today.
XD
:D
8.11.09 @ 12:31 AM
Two consecutive days of good food made me fat and happy.
And poor.
I am so broke now you wouldn't believe me if I told you.
The poorest month so far.
T.T
I was wrong to go book shopping for 3 times.
Please return me my money you evil money-sucking papers.
DDD:
And according to the horoscope book, I will be loveless and penniless next year.
Fuck.
-proceeds to burn book-
My dad thinks I am utterly incorrigible.
And honestly, I think I am too.
If I spend my money on clothes, at least my mum will be happy.
When I buy books, only I am happy.
OMG. And my piercing swelled to scary proportions on Friday.
I was honestly damn scared that the infection may lead to something worse, so I removed the original earring forcibly and really, it hurt like !^#*(@$)*).
And ok, the swelling is starting to go down and I refuse to let it close this time because of the amount of pain I had to go through.
It is just not worth it.
My calpis finished.
:(
Ok, I will go study my next year horoscope in greater detail.
And yes, I believe in that kind of nonsense as some will call it.
At least I will be in good health, but good health doesn't mean slim figure.
T.T
am annoyed
3.11.09 @ 10:53 PM
I read a piece of news just now cause the headlines caught my attention.
And I just got angrier and angrier as I read on.
Bascially, a few students were made to write a reflection letter because they didn't score Band 1 for their exams.
Which is 85.
The girl who was in the news scored 75.
It is ridiculous.
She is just Primary 5, 11 years old.
Made to repent just because she is 10marks short of a Band 1.
Be it consciously or unconsciously, she kept repeating that she already tried her best and that she is sorry to the teacher.
That, is the most fucking ridiculous thing.
Sorry to the teacher, sorry to the parents, sorry to everyone.
Doesn't that sufficiently show who she really is studying for?
For everyone but herself.
That is plain dumb.
I don't see anything good from this action by the teacher.
Sorry, but I think that is crap.
I can't explain properly why I am so angry, but I am.
Do they not see the negativity of doing this?
Honestly I don't think that when students' results improve after this it is because they "know where they have gone wrong" but because they don't want to go through the whole trauma.
Don't the school see how embarrasing it is for the students who didn't score well?
The girl mentioned that she hopes she won't be kicked out of the top class.
Is being in the top class really that important?
Let's not give me all the bullshit about "yes it is because society blah blah blah".
I don't need to hear any of it because I have been through it and I can safely say, I hated every single moment of it.
If I can turn back time, I wouldn't want to be in the top class, I rather be in the second or third class.
Where there was so much less competition, backstabbing and snide laughter.
I don't see a need for children of that age to go through all of that.
They can face it at a later age, at least let them enjoy studying for that few years.
I feel indignant.
Who is the teacher to do such a thing to the student?
The student may be shamed into doing well but this shame and fear of failing may stay with her for the rest of her life.
Say that I am exaggerating, but can anyone deny the effects of fearing to fail?
Is failing really such a bad thing?
Fearing to fail creates a fear to try and isn't not even trying worse than trying and failing?
At least I think it is, at least you learn how to protect yourself from failing the next time.
Will we appreciate success so much and strive for it if we have never ever experienced failing?
The phrase, failure is the mother of success doesn't exist for no reason.
What are we doing to our kids nowadays is scary and honestly, wrong.
Everyone will fall, will fail at least once in their life, when the student seemingly "fails" shouldn't the teacher be encouraging and guiding them instead of taking such a harsh approach?
I am so angry because I know the effects of pushing a child too hard till everything falls apart.
If the child is unable to cope because of this, can the teacher carry the responsibility for the rest of his/her life?
I am not saying that the teacher has an easy job, on the contrary, the teacher has a difficult job, having to answer to results that principals, parents and society demands.
But really, really, I think more thought should be given to the mental wellbeing of the students.
More thought should be given to how certain actions that have seemingly good intentions may in fact harm the child more than the surface shows.
Instant results may not lead to future results and teachers should be more concerned with not only how the child is faring now but also how the child will fare in the future, shouldn't they?
Maaaaaan, maybe I am totally over-reacting here but I think this struck too close to home.
Harris
2.11.09 @ 10:19 PM
I bought books again.
D:
Despite a promise to myself to not do that.
I fail.
Ok, not that I really promised very hard, but yes.
Bought The Odyssey and Grimm's Fairytales.
So excited to start on them but I have no time and Vanity Fair is still not done yet.
Maaaaaan. I hate starting books halfway.
And I think my taste in books is starting to change again.
I read nothing but such "literary stuff" recently.
Not even mysteries.
DDDDD:
But it is ok, I don't think I lost my love for it totally.
Hahaha.
Went to JP with Charlene after school today and we had a long long chat.
She keeps calling me robot.
:(
But I guess in some ways I am.
I can't understand how some things function in this world and I rationalise more than I feel.
I can't understand people who let emotions lead them.
But at the same time, I am jealous as well.
People with such emotions are always so charming to me.
Somehow.
Don't ask too much.
I am tired from thinking too much and I am having talks with my mum almost every day recently.
Lols.
You know, mums (at least mine), they never forget things you said to them or did for them.
They may not show it, but they remember.
3rd time lucky
31.10.09 @ 1:53 AM
Hopefully the piercing will stay for good this time.
As in, I won't go and take it out again.
Tahan-ed for the previous one and now it is more or less healed.
Cartilages take a hell of a time to heal and they hurt like a bitch.
But I don't quite like how high the woman pierced it.
She obviously ignored my choice and pierced where she thought was good.
D:
Oh well.
I am not about to waste another 6bucks on the same place.
I need to move on to other places.
Cannot believe I just spent 3minutes talking about such nonsense.
Ok.
Party was good and fun.
And a lot of camwhoring. ALOT.
But it was fun to mingle about.
Went to fetch my grandparents from the airport so me and Jas left early.
Had Popeye's!!
I absolutely cannot believe it, but my Dad didn't buy fries.
-scandalised-
But it is ok because I saw the cutest guy ever.
Sadly, just now will probably be the first and last time I ever see him because he is an army dude.
But damn cute seriously.
Even with the ermm not so nice crew cut, he is cute. :D
So tired so I fell asleep on the car and they just left me like that while they sent the luggage up to my grandparents' home.
DDD:
Oh well, more sleep.
In fact, I think I am typing rubbish now because all I want to do is sleep, but if my hair doesn't dry, I will have puffy eyes tomorrow and I don't want that!
So bimbo right!
T.T
Ok la.
Goodnight. ^^v
1st training
30.10.09 @ 12:11 AM
Hmm.
On a personal level, I am really really proud of myself.
Ok, I don't mean to sound arrogant or anything.
I am not excellent and probably not even at a passable level for a compere, but I am just really proud because a senior told me, I could hear your voice.
This is probably the first time I heard myself on mic and I am just terribly terribly glad that I managed to speak up and out on the mic.
For all the mistakes I made and all the words I stumbled over, I will improve on them, but for today, let me indulge in this small victory.
The next will be when I finally stand on the stage in front of real audience and do my act.
I realise, I worry incessantly about things.
I worry when people stop replying me.
I wonder if I am boring them.
I worry when people stare at me on streets.
I wonder if they are thinking about me and my fats.
I worry when people laugh in front of me.
I wonder if they are laughing at me.
I worry when I reject people.
I wonder if they will begrudge me for doing so.
I worry when I speak to people.
I wonder if they actually want to speak to me or are they doing it because it is only polite to do so.
I worry when I don't talk to my friends.
I wonder if they will forget that I exist at all.
I worry about starting a new day in school.
I wonder if I have to work hard to warm the bonds from yesterday.
It is really stupid I know but that is the way how I am.
And sometimes I really really worry about whether I will be accepted in this society and then sometimes I wonder, so what if I am accepted? So what if I am not?
Does it make a huge difference?
Why?
Idk man.
I feel stupid to be so self-conscious, like no shit.
So what if I am a fatty? Other people out there are fat and they are still doing stuff!
So what if I am ugly? Looks shouldn't matter if you have a kind heart.
But I don't have a kind heart.
And it just sucks to know that all these matter to me so much it affects the decisions I make.
At the end of the day, I am still a kid who is afraid of rejection.
I know
28.10.09 @ 10:45 PM
I know for sure there is something that is of more urgency than me blogging but for the hell of me, I can't remember what.
Or maybe it is just that I do not want to get down to doing it that's why my brain is blocking it.
D:
Studying Japanese?
Starting on interviews?
Finding my camcorder?
Doing research on my classes?
Reading my textbook?
All not done and no motivation to do anyone.
I feel like I am in a fantasy world.
T.T
And I need a red tie/bowtie and fangs.
I have no time to go get them.
T.T
And first ever training tomorrow.
If I say I am not bursting with nervous-ness I am lying.
I am overpowered with it.
And it is individual.
Solo.
Stage.
Microphone.
You can jolly well shoot me like now.
I can only pray that I won't make a big big fool out of myself tomorrow.
Keep telling myself that my voice is not that horrible and bland and that it is a first step forward and first steps are always the hardest is NOT working at all.
My heart is thumping as fast as when I am awaiting results.
>.<
I am at the stage where I am totally cursing myself for joining.
LIKE WHY YOU SO BLOODY STUPID?!
Do you seriously think you can make it? Don't kid anyone. You suck.
Yes.
That stage of low morality and high self-consciousness.
Voice projection.
Posture.
Blah blah blah.
Just.........
shoot me already.
T.T
